In a petrol station buying a coffee at nine thirty in the morning. Looking down realised that the young woman behind me was wearing obvious pyjamas. And slippers. Then looking up to see a fluffy cream dressing gown.

I can't decide if it matters. I was brought up to believe that it shows a complete lack of self respect, and a lack of respect for anyone else, but does it, these days?

YABU. Perfectly normal wear for filling up your car.

YANBU. What is the world coming to that anyone thinks that's reasonable.

Continuing the criticism…still interested, still not bored….

It’s was my primary school child’s birthday party last weekend and it was a fun activity anybody can do, think bowling, laser tag that sort of thing. We’ve never held a party before as my son is Autistic and thought nobody from his mainstream school would come but I decided to go for it and 9kids attended!

what an absolute disaster, one child refused to participate and just sat on his phone next to his mum (why even say yes to the invite) 2 kicked off because they weren’t winning, I mean actually kicking and screaming! One little girl just sat and said she didn’t want to join in. All the parents stayed but just left the kids to it, which would have been ok if they behaved! I know this shouldn’t be a problem and it really isn’t but one guest bought him a baby toy! He’s 10! He’s autistic but not stupid or baby like! When the food came all the parents moaned it was ‘disgusting’ it really wasn’t it was just pizza and chips not high end but not inedible!

I’m so sad, I’ve spent so much money I didn’t really have (we saved up for months) for my son to have a nice normal party and I just feel so flat an empty. On the plus side I know that my child even with all his ‘extras’ would never behave in that way! I know I’m just chatting about it, I’m just sad and have nobody to talk to about it.

Hi, I need to re vamp my wardrobe for autumn/winter and need some advice on how to incorporate a bit of 'edgy chic'. I'm early 40's, 5ft 2, size 14/16 and hour glass shape with big boobs and a bit of a mum tum. I have dark hair and olive skin, so tend to suit darker/autumn colours. I need a couple of staple bits, and some clothes I can also wear for work ( casual dress code). I already have some chunky boots and a grey leather jacket. I went shopping today in local town and it was totally uninspiring!

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

Is there an expectation that people's toilets should have an air freshener in? Like a spray air freshener?

We always have air freshener in both our toilets in case friends or family get caught short when visiting us or even to freshen the bathroom after having a wee if necessary, so I hate it if I go to a friend/family members house and they have none.

I get some people may be affected by asthma but surely if you had asthma you wouldn't use it?

We have a glade air freshener at work that sprays into the space where the wash handbasins are for example.

Inspired by another thread.

Just wondering what the etiquette is for inviting & accepting wedding invitations in Ireland / Northern Ireland?

My story is that I had an acquaintance from Northern Ireland who invited me to her wedding. I was surprised to receive an invitation because we had only known each other a year and had no mutual friends, but when the hand of friendship is extended I will grasp it, so I accepted the invite, feeling quite flattered that she valued me so highly as a friend.

Anyway, this was all in 2019 and so the Autumn 2020 wedding was sadly cancelled, however the bride never got in touch to tell me that it was cancelled (some were happening outdoors if I recall), I had to text her to ask what was happening. Our contact via WhatsApp fizzled out, she stopped attending the forum where we met, and when she did get married 1 year later, I wasn't invited (photos all over social media).

I felt a bit confused about being invited to her wedding on the one hand, but also being so quickly dropped.

I feel a bit of a mug that I accepted the invitation to begin with, honestly, is there a custom in Ireland that you invite absolutely everybody (as somebody mentioned in another thread) out of courtesy, and perhaps not everyone is actually expected to accept?

Hope I'm not tempting fate with that thread title
This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations .

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You are all wonderful and I’m now going back to my mince pie and stollen (never too early!).

Fixed rate mortgage ending next year. Since purchasing the house, my husband has inherited some money. We have both agreed that this is likely to be needed for child with SEN, but saw the idea of an offset mortgage. I am drawn to it as it means the money is still separate and can be used when needed (I realise this would affect the repayment amounts if we did this). We have never been in the position of having savings so don’t want to mess it up. The inheritance is the same amount as our outstanding mortgage, although not sure we would put it all up, more likely to be 50-75%. Would an offset mortgage be appropriate? We will approach a mortgage advisor soon but would appreciate any thoughts. Thank you!

Honestly do you see Man's shoes here? I always considered docs as unisex but ASOS are absolutely marketing these as mens.
I really want a pair of brown dm shoes to wear with jeans / smart trousers etc. Could these work?

Sorry about the weird formatting. Writing this on my phone and not sure what happened there

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, even though my own child is only around five.
I recently came across discussions about super curricular activities for Oxbridge and it got me wondering about something slightly broader. How early is too early to start building a habit of curiosity around a child’s interests?
I’m not thinking about tutoring, expensive summer schools or trying to turn a young child into an academic project. At this age, I’m more interested in setting an example myself. Reading more, learning about things I don’t understand, visiting museums, asking questions and showing that learning does not stop when school finishes.
I also work around education and writing, so I sometimes come across resources such as CollegeEssay.org and discussions about how students approach essays, applications and academic writing. It has made me think more about the habits behind good learning rather than simply the finished piece of work.
For parents with older children applying to competitive universities, did you find that encouraging curiosity early actually made a difference later on? Looking back, is there anything you wish you had encouraged earlier that helped your child become more comfortable exploring subjects independently?
I’d especially like to hear from parents whose children developed their interests naturally rather than through expensive programmes. I’m hoping to learn from those experiences so I can lead by example rather than putting pressure on my own child too early.

Whilst I agree with most of this, what’s wrong with an egg in decent oil?

What’s going with M & S women’s knitwear? Filtered my search on the website and there are no cotton jumpers or indeed wool. Cashmere and merino available but everything else is poly blends or supposedly wool rich with 6% wool! Menswear has a much greater range in natural fabrics. I loved the cotton cardigans they used to offer in a range of colours as I could buy smaller for a more fitted look but they have none at all. They also washed and tumble dried brilliantly without shrinking. (I know Mumsnet doesn’t usually approve of cardigans, but I love them).
Can anyone suggest affordable alternatives for jumpers and cardigans (up to around £50)?

Not sure if I'm being stupid feeling this way but I've been really upset by it and feel guilty for feeling this way.

My parents live an hour away and have a static caravan an hour in the opposite direction (so 2 hours away). They spend pretty much every weekend there and we rarely saw them, whenever we invited them anywhere there was always some reason they couldn't come as were at the caravan. I get that's their social life, we had conversations about it where I was just made to feel like I was being stupid and difficult and I just came to accept it.

Now I have a baby who is now 18 months. Initially my mam would visit every couple of weeks. Unfortunately my mam had cancer and had to stay away whilst getting treatment and on chemo which obviously was no ones fault. She's now over all the treatment and seems to make excuses as to why she can't visit or do anything with him all the time. Completely understand this and was accepting she's getting over cancer it's obviously too much with a toddler.
However my parents are now at the caravan every weekend again, out at the pubs and bars with friends and going on days out/for walks etc. They own 2 houses they rent out as holiday cottages near the caravan and spent a lot of time fixing stuff there. They will maybe visit us a couple of hours on their way back from the caravan on a Sunday night once a month or so which makes us feel like a chore they're ticking off. My dad still works full time so they can't visit during the week.

I think I just feel disappointed as it feels that they would rather spend time at the caravan than with their grandson and it does upset me when I was so close to my grandparents. They have plenty of money, my dad could easily retire to spend more time with him during the week and could still use the caravan every weekend. They could comfortably afford a house closer to us to rent out/use if they wanted to and didn't want the drive, they've happily bought multiple houses near their caravan to rent out/use themselves in winter rather than buying something near us which doesn't feel great!
They claim they love spending time with us and want to help out which just annoys me more when they don't actually do it. Ironically my grandparents used to do all the childcare for us for 2 days a week when we were kids and we would see them every weekend on top of that and my parents would still complain they didn't get much support! We've never had anyone who could have our son for even an hour!
I visit my mam when I get a day off during the week if I can but my son is a terrible sleeper and it messes up his routine so we then have a terrible night after with him so it's a bit of a nightmare and there's nothing at my parents house for him so I have to drag everything he needs and toys etc with me so it's not easy but I try to do it when I can! We can't visit at weekends as they're not there as at the caravan which is to far away.
Not sure if I'm being completely unreasonable as if I try to mention anything I'm just made to feel like I'm being stupid and my feelings are never acknowledged. It just feels like the caravan is their priority and it always has been, I just thought having a child would change that. After having cancer and not seeing him months, I'd have thought they'd want to spend as much time as possible with their grandson but maybe I'm being selfish and expecting too much as my grandparents did so much for us! I keep hearing friends with all this support and going on days out with grandparents and I'll admit it does make me jealous.
Just want some perspective as I think maybe I'm making it worse in my own head!

I’m a 28-years old, and I feel really guilty even writing this because I absolutely adore my mum. She means the world to me, and I know this probably makes me sound awful, but I’m becoming increasingly embarrassed by the way she presents herself.

My mum is 66, and I completely understand that looking glamorous or putting loads of effort into your appearance might not be a priority at her age. I’m not expecting her to dress up or look a certain way — I just wish she would make a little bit of effort to look clean and put together.

For example, she’ll go out without brushing her hair, so it can genuinely look like a bird’s nest. She rarely gets it cut, and I’ve even shown her how much neater it looks when I put it up in a simple claw clip for her, but she refuses.

Her personal hygiene also isn’t great. She rarely showers unless she’s going somewhere like a restaurant for dinner. Her dental hygiene is another concern; she’s been a heavy smoker since her twenties and unfortunately has very few teeth left now.

She’ll also wear the same clothes day after day, and regardless of the weather, she seems determined to wear the same pair of Skechers sandals. What makes it more frustrating is that she isn’t struggling financially. She has money, but would rather spend it on scratch cards or random things for her flat than on clothes, hair appointments, etc.

The difficult part is that I genuinely don’t know how to approach the subject. I know she would take it extremely personally if I told her that I was embarrassed by the way she looks or that I thought she needed to take better care of herself. I would never want to hurt her feelings or make her feel like I don’t accept her as she is.

I think part of why I find it particularly difficult is because I’m the complete opposite. I take a lot of pride in my appearance and genuinely enjoy looking after myself, and my sisters are the same. We all make an effort with our hair, clothes, hygiene, etc., so I suppose the contrast feels even more noticeable to me.

I’m also getting to the point where I feel embarrassed about my boyfriend meeting her, and I feel absolutely horrible admitting that. It’s not because I’m ashamed of her as a person — I love her more than anything. I just find it difficult seeing someone I love seemingly not care about themselves at all, she will complain that she looks a ‘mess’ but never does anything to improve it.

I know this probably sounds horrible, and I’m not trying to judge her or say that she needs to look a certain way. I think I just needed somewhere to have a rant and get it off my chest, because I genuinely don’t know what the right thing to do is. Sorry this is a long one😢

I'm just finishing my first cuppa of the day, in my conservatory spot after a lie in snuggled with boy cat. They've been fed but girl cat turned her nose up at what they've got & has vanished to the top of the cat tree <sigh>.

I'm off to The Range shortly ish with dd2 - we need a quick stop off in town for a couple of bits on the way as well. I ordered a new bed last night 🥳 so want to have a look at their bedding. Dd1 is here working Leger week so she's also given me a small list "if I don't mind" 🙄 . It does include a spray mop like we have here, for quick cleans, though so I'll let her off.

When we get in, I have a whole load of things I'd like to do - the to do list is getting a bit long. Priority is finishing laying the weed membrane now my pegs have arrived though, I think. Then I just need to empty my tomato hanging baskets at some point & tidy - I think the plants are pretty done. Actually, must borrow a mower from somewhere too! I decided a bed was more important than a new mower.

This evening, I think we'll have pork loin steaks for tea, with salad of some sort and roast baby potatoes 😋. I'll have a glass of wine with mine. After tidying & showers I'll sit down with my book, dd2 might come down here with hers too, or she might stay in their room. Dd1 will be in by 9 ish for tea, a couple of hours unwind, and bed ready to go again tomorrow.

What about you? 🙂

Currently planning a surprise 30th birthday for my partner and catering it ourselves. It’s a family party so a mix of ages and some children there! Probably about 60-70 people coming.

I’ve never really done a buffet before but my current plan is this:

Ham sandwiches (1x platter)
Cheese sandwiches (1x platter)
Egg mayo sandwiches (1/2 platter)
Tuna sandwiches (1/2 platter)

Cherry Tomatoes (500g bag)
Celery
Carrots (1kg bag cut into sticks)
Cucumber (2 whole cucumbers)
Pepper (1 pack of 3 peppers)
All served with various dips

Mini sausage rolls (50)
Cocktail sausages (50)
Vegetable spring rolls (24)
quorn cocktail sausages (1 pack, only one vegetarian that I know of!)

Cheese & onion crisps
Sweet chilli crisps
Salted crisps
Tortilla chips
Onion ring crisps
(All one big share bag per flavour)

Chicken bites (72 pack)
Cheese pizza (x2)

Breadsticks (2 packs)
Coleslaw (1 pack)

Strawberries (2 packs)
Grapes (2 packs)
Watermelon (1)

Fairy cakes (24)
Mini flapjack (20)
Mini brownies (20)
Mini rolls (20)

Also doing some gluten free sandwiches and some gluten free cakes (only one person is wheat intolerant not coeliac so no cross contamination concerns)

Obviously a proper birthday cake as well!

Does this sound like a good spread of food? Too much or not enough?

Trying to stick to a budget where possible as the room hire was expensive!

Thanks in advance for advice!

In a situation now where my elderly relative is dying. Not that we’ve been told this my doctors but it is as clear as day. They are struggling to breathe, have become immobile, can’t really see or hear, are in pain etc. They are extremely frail. The doctors keep saying that it just takes time to get better. They aren’t getting better but while they are being told that it takes time to get better they aren’t getting the professional help they need. They really need an end of life package and to make them comfortable. Is it normal for doctors to not be upfront? I just feel like it’s made things worse because, while they aren’t being upfront, we cant get the care in place. Anyone else experienced something similar?

There are intermittent threads asking for lists of where people shop - I’m not sure how compelling these are for readers. (And where the OP takes no active role in the thread it’s hard to believe they’re not just some sort of AI generated thing.)

Surely the crucial thing is what shapes a person’s tastes and preferences - all the more so for mature women who have more hinterland. Whether that’s your parents’ interests when you were a child, or shopping with friends as a teen, or a revelation at university or in early jobs. As much as life stages, health, environment, finances.

My ‘reading Vogue from 13’ history is all over S&B.

What influenced you, before ‘influencers’? And how does that affect how you shop now?

About 25 years ago, the internet started creating a whole new set of problems for relationships, when it suddenly became possible for people to be secretive and sneaky in ways they simply could not have been before.

For the vast majority of human history it's been totally standard to be obvious about communicating with others.

Until very recently, to communicate you either phoned on a landline and had to run the gauntlet of whoever might answer the phone, you wrote them a letter which could quite easily be seen arriving on the doormat, you knocked on their front door, or you went somewhere and met them, which meant you had to physically go out of your way to keep it secret.

But somehow over the last 15 or 20 years some have been massively gaslighted into believing that secrecy is somehow a normal and healthy part of a relationship.

It's not.

There are a core few women on this site who will instantly jump in and tell you being secretive with devices is just privacy.

It's not. It's a very new issue and it's not remotely normal.

These people are very much in the minority, but they are mouthy and quick to jump on any OP discussing their discovery of abuse by their husband/partner through messages/emails.

You must learn to totally ignore them, don't feed the fantasy that it's normal to be sly. Don't even response to their interrogation, just as you would ignore anybody who tells you to accept abuse and tries to victim blame you.

You don't have to just meekly accept this bizarre gaslighting as standard.

We have complete access to each other's devices, just like nearly everyone past the age of 21, and we very rarely use that access, but of course we can. Because that's normal when you are living together and sharing your life.

If someone is saying that you are somehow just as bad as your cheating, abusive partner because you checked their phone, they are lying to you. If they are claiming looking at someone's device is abuse they are lying to you.

They themselves are secretive and sly, or they have been very badly gaslit.

And no need at all to mention coercive control, that's a completely different issue and you are definitely not worried about that at all. You're just trying to deflect.

We're talking about normal relationships, where deliberately hiding access to devices is sly, it's secrecy and it's a big problem. It's not normal.

If your response to someone exposing their partner for cheating or abusing them through messages is to immediately ask how they managed to access those messages, then congratulations, you have basically outed yourself as either a cheater or an abuser - or you need to reassess the level of gaslighting you have internalised.

Make ignoring these ridiculous questions the norm and absolutely ignore these attempts to derail and cover up abusive behaviour. Get back to normalising reality.

It's normal, standard and fine to look at your husband/wife/partner's devices.

Only cheaters, liars and those who've been gaslit could possibly believe otherwise.

And no, you don't think I'm coercive or abusive. And if you claim you do, you're projecting.

For clarity - I'm 65, and never had any sort of cosmetic procedures before.

The photo is an AI generated image I've created using my own face, but altering the features slightly so I'm not immediately recognisable.
IRL my hair is a little frizzier and thinner on top, and my comlexion is a little paler. All the facial issues, lines and wrinkles in the image are genuine.

I'd like to improve my face so I dont look so cross and grumpy. I'm usually an upbeat person, and I want to just generally give myself a makeover. I've spent a lot of years working, caring for others and had some health issues, and not had much money to keep on top of self care...its taken a toll on my face!

I dont know where to start with any procedures - what would you recommend?

Returned home to find my pear tree (back garden) stripped clean. No sign of any on the ground or anywhere nearby. I am gutted!!!! It was my best ever crop and those pears were a thing of beauty. Any ideas if any bird or animal could have done this is such an efficient and successful way?

Picture pending, but reasonably voluminous balloon legged trousers on short woman.

please be honest but not mean.

For context - 45yrs, 5’3”, slightly ‘alt’ leaning style but far from full on alternative/goth/emo.

don’t say ‘if you like them that’s all that matters’ or similar because I can’t decide if I like them, and that is why I’m posting.

What does the best dressed mum at your school gate wear? And where in the country are you?

Posting in the spirit of curiosity and inspiration!

DS has his driving test this morning. His instructor has phoned 10 mins before he’s due to pick him up for his pre test lesson to say his car has a flat tyre so DS is to meet him at the test centre in his own car for the test.

Im furious but keeping calm for DS. Thankfully DH is off work today so he’s quickly going over the under the bonnet stuff with him.

This instructor has also been an hour late on 3 occasions for lessons.

Poor DS.